Site updated June 22, 2013

 


Fetch My Flying Monkeys

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WELCOME TO HILLNUTT!

Welcome to Hillnutt!  How's your Mama?  First of all, let me introduce myself.  My name is Walter Uterus Abernathy III and I am the Mayor of the fine city of Hillnutt.  Many of you visiting here are probably looking Walter Uterus Abernathy, IIIfor my blog, Walther U's Universe.  Well, it's still here but you'll notice a different layout plus a few additional sections.  It turns out that the editor of the Hillnutt Gazette (Jimmy Dale Hodges) decided to skip bail and took the paper's only computer with him.  As you recall, the Hillnutt Gazette was in the middle of a five-year plan transitioning from typewritter to computer.  I'll be damn if Jimmy Dale didn't mess things up royally, leaving you good citizens without a source of news.  That's where I come in.  I'll do my best to give you all at least a weekly update on Hillnutt happenings.  Thanks for all the cards, letters, and emails of information for posting.  I will also do my best to update my blog since many of you want to know what is on your Mayor's mind as well as what 's going on around town (you'll find these musings and information in the Opinion/Local News link above).  In addition you will find sections for City Hall, School News, and Arts & Entertainment.  Don't forget to visit our advertisers!

This site is currently under construction.  Between fulfilling all the duties of Mayor and having to address family rumors, I can only work a little at a time here.  I know, the spacing may not be quite right and the graphics may not be perfectly placed at times.  I'll eventually get it right.  Your patience is appreciated.  Here is what you can expect in the near future:

  • Opinion/Local News:  This section was originally my blog (formerly known as Walter U's Universe).  It's my commentary and opinion on my take on things.  However, due to the fact that I don't have much to say and rarely have time to give what little opinion I have (contrary to popular belief, I was not at a "dry out facility"), I decided to combine my opinion and local news into this one section.  I simply clumped previous opinion columns into one entry because I was too laze to do anything else.  Otherwise, here you will find also information about the daily meanderings of the food folks of Hillnutt.  If you have important news, items for sale, or general information you feel the people of Hillnutt need to know, just let me know and I'll post it when I get around to it.
  • City Hall:  Information about monthly City Hall meetings or other shenanigans from your local government.
  • School News:  Primarily focused on Hillnutt High School news.  Announcements, honor rolls, sports updates on the Chargin' Hampsters, school closings, and school bomb threats will be posted here.  Parents...did your child have a school accomplishment you want mentioned here (e.g., attended all week)?  Let me know.
  • Arts & Entertainment:  Here you'll find info on all the entertainment Hillnutt has to offer.  Special events and celebrations, TV listings for our own access channel (HNNT 61), and top music lists as compliled by HNTT 87.9 AM ("The Nutt").  From time to time, you might find also a few original bits of literature from yours truly.

Also, don't forget to check out our Site For The Time Being (SFTTB).  I was going to call it Site Of the Day but then it might be a couple of days before I update it.  Same with Site Of The Week...it might be more than a week or less than a week before I update.  I don't want any of you obsessive bastards accusing me of lying just because I didn't update it according to a strict time schedule.

 

WHAT IS HILLNUTT?

I don't have to tell most of you what Hillnutt is.  It's our little town.  For those of you who popped in by accident or planning on a visit, let me fill you in.  We're your typical small town community, wrapped in Americana and the traditional way of life.  The pace may be a little slow but it's the way we like it.  We go to the movies on the weekend, support our high school sports (go Chargin' Hampsters!), and the quest for sex is never ending.  We like food made from scratch (you really must stop by Marvin & Kay's Kountry Kitchen for their world-famous Corn Holes), revving our cars, making paper mache spider monkeys for our elders, and passing the time away with good gossip.  We spend a disproportionate amount of time at Walmart and stare at strangers when there's nothing better to do.  Hillnutt is a place to grow up, be a kid and, if not careful, committed.  It's a place where the waitresses still call you "Hon" and offer you a handjob if you're having a tough day.  I'm proud to be the Mayor of this little slice of Heaven.

I hope you will find this little part of the 'net informative.  Until Jimmy Dale returns or is apprehended, I'll keep you informed until the ol' Hillnutt Gazette is up and running again.  How 'bout that?

Take care of yourselves!

 

Walter Uterus Abernathy III